Beautiful little Mushrooms!
Could be a Blackish Red Russula (Russula krombholzii)?
I can’t wait until i get my car up and running (which won’t take much money/effort) and then I can go over to my friends’ houses all the time. I am so excited for spring: hiking, drinking outside, making a new garden, watching birds, bumbly bees, visiting my grandma. I just want to be content with anything at all, this winter has been abominable, and I am sick of feeling like I want to die.
My dad found a picture of James and I today, and for some reason it made me feel horrible. Part of me misses him, even though it has been 5 years, but mostly it makes me sad that I ever let someone treat me like shit for any length of time. He would try to ‘help’ with my eating disorders, but it wasn’t helpful, and in retrospect, I think he was just trying to make sure I stayed skinny. He would ridicule me if I “ate too much”, and one time he bought me a cake for my birthday and then decided that I shouldn’t even eat any of it because it would “upset” me. Ugh! Plus, I work with one of his exes, and she told me he had been cheating on me from the start, anyways. Once, he drew a diagram of some electric installation he had to complete at work, and asked me if I understood any of it. Of course I didn’t, to which he replied, “that is why I make twice as much money as you.”
It sucks, because I think all those experiences in that relationship made ME into the asshole for all subsequent relationships. (Mostly) I say what I feel like saying, I do what I feel like doing, and my response to any disdain for my actions is, “then don’t be with me anymore.”
I just don’t ever want to be the person that someone can subjugate like a sad mouse who needs to be nurtured, even if it is a very un-loving situation.